Friday, December 30, 2016

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Resolutions and Wishes for 2017

Well, pretty much the best thing that one can say about 2016 is that it's been crazy AF.  Not only have we lost seemingly everyone that made the 80's and 90's worth living, White people showed us their "true color" by electing a racist raging asshole for President of the United States.  Usually I post these resolutions with a bit of tongue in cheek humor (and don't worry, you'll laugh at some of these), but this time it's a bit serious.  With that in mind, here goes...


  1. We should expand our rejection of MSNBC to include ALL cable news.  As a matter of fact, let's just FUCK the news altogether.  Since it's become quite evident that "news" is more about ratings and generating ad revenue than about actual useful information, why even bother.  It's time we go back to getting our news the old fashioned way...PICK UP A NEWSPAPER.
  2. My 2016 nomination to be tossed into the appalling dung-heap of history, White guys with Dreadlocks (or as I like to call them, White-locks).  Seriously, fellas.  It doesn't make you look hip, or cool, and it certainly doesn't make you look Black.  What it does is make you look like you have colonies of things habitating your scalp and I frankly don't want to be anywhere near you.
  3. Now that the great "la purga" of 2016 is almost over, can we all petition the grim reaper to take 2017 off?  Of course, if a certain President elect were to choke on a chicken bone between now and January 20th, well...
  4. No, millennials.  Bernie Sanders WOULD NOT have won had he been the nominee (proven decisively by the fact that Hillary WON the popular vote). If you're still telling yourself otherwise, I suggest you seek psychiatric counseling to deal with your obvious feelings of remorse for voting for Jill Stein or Gary Johnson (or staying home) on November 8th.
  5. Enough college bowl games already.  When I was growing up we had three bowl games, the Orange Bowl, the Cotton Bowl, and the Rose Bowl.  Now there are 41.  Even Dollar General has a bowl game...DOLLAR FUCKING GENERAL.  And "Belk Bowl"?  Does Belk even exist north of the Mississippi?  These "Bowl" games are like the "participant" trophy for scrub college football programs who can't get into any of the major bowls.  It's as if Oprah Winfrey went into the bowl committee meeting and just said, "You get a Bowl Game.  You get a Bowl Game.  EVERYBODY GETS A BOWL GAME!"
  6. Knowing what an egotistical, easily baited man-baby Donald Trump is, every negative post about him on social media should be tagged with his handle so he'll be sure to see it.  This should be done for the next four years so he knows that most of the country (at least the non-White portion) hates his guts and will never accept him as president.  Besides which, I'd like to provoke him into rage-tweeting himself into conniptions. 

    And now is where I get serious...
  7. White people need to finally OWN RACISM!  And when I say White people, I mean ALL WHITE people.  Whether you consider yourself liberal or conservative, whether you voted for Trump or Hillary or did that cute college third party thing, racism is YOUR problem.  You had a choice this election, and it wasn't a really hard one.  It wasn't a "lesser of two evils" thing, or a "they're both the same" thing.  It wasn't something that you should have had to give much thought to.  It was as simple as what to feed your kids for breakfast, Froot Loops or Rat Poison, and 64% of you chose Rat Poison.  64% of White America chose a guy who's made insulting remarks against Blacks, Hispanics, Muslims, Immigrants, etc.  White America is the ONLY racial demographic Donald Trump WON.  Instead of tearing your pretty blonde hair out trying to figure our why you now have a talking Cheeto for a President, you need to be looking in the mirror at what you have collectively been sowing since the birth of this nation.  Which brings me to...
  8. It's time we Black people stopped being the "good nigger" (yeah, I said it).  You know that "filter" we Black professionals engage with our White colleagues so that they're not too "intimidated" by our presence in what most of them consider "their space".  November 8th has proven that filter to be useless.  64% of White America voted for the guy who believes that ALL Blacks are poor uneducated criminals.  Those of us who aren't are the "exceptions", the "good ones", the "Black friend" they talk about when they say "some of my best friends...".  I'm not saying we should roll up in the office like Black Panther militants.  What I'm saying is that it's no longer our responsibility (nor should it ever have been) to make White people feel better about us, just as it's not the responsibility of Muslims to make them feel better about Islam, or the responsibility of the LGBT community to make them feel better about homosexuality.  White people are the ones who seem to have the problem with Blacks, Hispanics, Asians, immigrants, political correctness, etc., and yet whenever it comes to the topic of race, WE'RE the ones tasked with trying to bring everyone together.  Racism is WHITE people's problem.  It's time we left it for White people to deal with...or not.
All the best wishes for a prosperous 2017.