Monday, December 31, 2012

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Resolutions and Wishes for 2013!

It's that time of year again, fellow liberals, to take stock of what's been accomplished over the last 12 months, and to look forward to another year with hope and optimism and all that stuff that sounds nice on December 31st but starts to stale around February. With that in mind, here's my wish list for 2013.

  1. Can we please put Current TV out of its misery?  Barring that, can we at least find something slightly less sleep-inducing to put in their 8:00pm slot than Elliot Spitzer (perhaps giant turtles mating).  Honestly, the network hasn't been worth watching since Olbermann was fired.  At least MSNBC had Maddow to take up the slack.  Current TV's only fall back seems to be a guy with all of the charisma of your average three-toed sloth.  And speaking thusly...
  2. Let's find Keith Olbermann a job in 2013.  I'm sure there's some broadcast outlet that can go at least two years without wanting to fire him.  HBO, Lifetime, Cartoon Network...
  3. Sarah Palin is officially OVER.  For the next year, we are not to talk, think, or even acknowledge the existence of the Palin family even in jest.  She's already managed to parlay her 15 minutes of fame into four years.  Let's not give her another one.
  4. It is NOT too early to start talking about 2016.  Republicans are already scheming up ways to suppress the vote and cheat their way into the White House.  And given their efforts in 2012, we can't afford to wait until the last minute.
  5. Let's start a petition to make Nate Silver's birthday a National Holiday.  No one person has caused more outrage, conniptions, and fits of approplexy on the Right, proving that they're not only deranged and delusional, but really bad at math.
  6. Someone please give Rush Limbaugh a hug.  I know he's the most detestable human being on the radio, but since the election he sounds as if it's all he can do to keep from breaking out in a crying jag on the air.  Besides, to paraphrase Dr. Seuss, maybe his heart is two sizes too small, and a hug just migh improve his disposition (yeah, I can dream).
  7. Let's make 2013 the year Rick Santorum FINALLY comes out of the closet.  This is a man who's had more to say about Gay sex in 2012 than most Gay men I know over the past decade.  I'm willing to bet that his screen name on gay.com is 'frothymix2013'.  And while we're on the subject...
  8. We in the Gay community owe it to ourselves and the country to 'out' at least three GOP Congressmen.  We know the party is full of closet-queens.  Dragging them out of the closet would not only expand their base, it would give the Log Cabin Republicans and GOProud a reason to exist.
  9. Mitt Romney and his family must now sail into the Undying Lands where their love will become evergreen.  In other words, it's time for him to GO AWAY FOREVER.  He was a joke when he ran in 2008, and made himself an even bigger joke in 2012.  Maybe the elves and the Keepers of the Rings will elect him president, or maybe they'll just sacrifice him to the Orcs.
  10. Wayne LaPierre must personally go to each and every family who lost a child in the Sandy Hook shooting and try and convince them that armed guards and teachers in schools is a good idea.  Then he has to go to the familes of the Virginia Tech and Columbine shootings and do the same thing.  Oh, by the way, both of those schools HAD armed guards.
  11. Can we just end this insipid "War on Christmas" and declare Christmas the victor?  Seriously, a "war" implies that both sides have an equal chance of winning.  What we have here is a propaganda campaign dreamed up by faux-Christians and Fox News in an effort to gain ratings and followers.  If this is a "war", then from what I see, Christmas is kicking ass.
  12. Since it seems they'll give a show to just about anyone, MSNBC must give the following people their own show in 2013.
    1. Ohio State Senator Nina Turner
    2. Professor Michael Eric Dyson
    3. Keith Olbermann
    4. Karen Finney
    5. DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz
    6. Keith Olbermann
    7. Dr. James Peterson
    8. Former Governor Ed Rendell
    9. Joy Reid
    10. KEITH OLBERMANN (you see where I'm going with this, don't you)
So here's hoping that 2013 brings us all peace, prosperity, and happiness.  We've taken the first step by re-electing Barack Obama.  Our next step will be 2014 when we get rid of the Republicans in the House.  Until then...HAPPY NEW YEAR!