Monday, December 30, 2013

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Resolutions and Wishes for 2014.

As we come to the close of another year, it's once again time to take stock of our accomplishments, and look towards the future with optimism and hope for the coming year.  With that end in view, here's my annual list of resolutions that we should all try to follow (though we'll probably break most of them within ten twitter posts or so).

  1. It's time we try to wean ourselves off of MSNBC.  I'm not talking a boycott or a cold-turkey stop, but we really should dispense with the idea that we need a "liberal" network (which, let's face it, MSNBC ISN'T).  The main reason that FOX News is the number one cable news network is because the right-wing needs a 24/7 echo chamber to tell them what to think, who to fear, and to make them feel good about themselves.  Since liberalism hasn't completely collapsed since the exits of Keith Olbermann, and Martin Bashir, and can go whole stretches without Bill Maher, it's pretty clear we need no such crutch.  Besides, is it just me or have they become really BORING lately?
  2. Do we really need to repeat every blessed thing that comes out of  I realize it's important to call attention to the crazy-stupid that comes from the right.  But nowadays it's an almost daily occurrence that some right-wing nut-job makes some stupid racist, sexist, homophobic statement (usually misinterpreting the Bible while doing it).  Calling attention to it is like calling attention to nipples on men.  Let's just accept that there's a faction of the country that exists to remind the rest of us that we are sane well-adjusted sentient human beings, and there's a reason Obamacare covers mental illness.  Speaking thusly...
  3. Say it loud and proud.  It's OBAMACARE!  We need to stop hiding behind this "Affordable Care Act" nonsense as if we're afraid to associate ourselves with the president's leading agenda item.  This is Obama's legacy, for better or worse, and we should acknowledge it as such.  Besides which, we all know that the minute it's proven to work, the right-wing commentators will stop calling it "Obamacare" just to keep him from getting any credit for it.
  4. We need to stop feeding the trolls, and stop baiting them.  Frankly, it just isn't fun anymore.  Sure, you come out looking witty, intelligent, and clever -- who wouldn't when debating someone with the intellectual heft of a three-toed sloth -- but you'd get the same result when explaining the French Revolution to a third-grader, and the third-grader might actually get what you're talking about.
  5. Unless you're looking forward to a Chris Christie presidency, you might as well just suck it up and support Hillary Clinton for 2016.  Time for a reality check, folks.  Outside of Hillary, our bench is pretty weak this go-around.  Elizabeth Warren - maybe for VP.  Cory Booker - too young (and way too soon).  Bernie Sanders - too damn old.  Joe Biden - you're kidding, right?
  6. Whenever we make stupid off color statements about folks on the right, we must now qualify that we're doing it in the spirit of Christian love and fellowship, find a Bible verse that we can misinterpret to support our statements, and call it a free-speech issue.  Since apparently this is a guaranteed way to get away with saying something stupid in public.  Of course, it helps if you have an audience of barely educated inbred morons who will believe just about anything you say.  BTW, I use the term "barely educated inbred morons" with the utmost Christian love and fellowship, and how dare you infringe on my freedom of speech by suggesting otherwise.  <<frantically looking up Bible verse to misinterpret>>
  7. Just for funsies, find 3 right-wing Christians and ask them where in the Bible does it say that marriage is between one-man and one-woman.  Then watch the conniptions as they try and quote every other part of the Bible except the non-existent verse you asked about.  And while we're on the subject of the Bible...
  8. Since the Westboro Baptist Church insist upon picketing funerals in protest of Gay rights, Gay advocacy groups should picket Red Lobster restaurants in protest of the consumption of shellfish.  After all, the same set of passages that condemns "man laying with man" as an abomination also condemns eating shellfish, which is Red Lobster's specialty.  (That would be Leviticus 11:10-12 in case you're wondering.)
  9. Again, just for funsies, the LGBT community should stage kiss-ins at Chick-fil-A restaurants across the country.  What better way to counter the Dan Cathy's anti-Gay stance (and his right-wing supporters) than with a blatant display of same-sex PDA.  If anyone has a beef with it, we can just say we're exercising our right to free-speech.  Just remember to keep it clean.  After all, it is a family restaurant.
  10. Some folks just need to admit that their sudden concerns about NSA and privacy like it's something new is just them looking for a cause du-jour.  I'm going to be frank.  If I can hear your cell-phone conversations across three tables in a restaurant, or if you insist on talking on your cell in a movie theatre as if you're at home, then you don't get to bitch about NSA spying on your phone conversations.  Besides which, the NSA has been spying on you since, like, forever (or at least since 1917).
  11. Finally, can we please give Harrison (played by Columbus Short) a back story on SCANDAL.  I know this has nothing to do with anything, but the show is in the midst of its third season and the only thing we know about the bro is that Olivia found him wearing an ankle bracelet (and not as a fashion statement).
And with that, I wish all my fellow liberal/progressives the very best in 2014.  Here's hoping we vote out the GOP, and make way for Hillary in 2016.  Peace and much love.