BREAKING: Divorce Lawyers Expect Surge of Clients as "Opposite Marriages" Become Meaningless

With same-sex marriage bans being challenged, put on hold, or overturned altogether across the country (the latest being in Pennsylvania), divorce lawyers are gearing up for a surge of new clientele as heterosexual couples suddenly realize that the sanctity of their marriage has been diminished by "the Gay".

"We've been receiving a torrent of new calls from distraught couples," says I.M. Slyme of the law firm Dewey, Cheetem, and Howe. "After years and years of feeling so safe and secure in the knowledge that marriage is exclusive to them and them along, I'm getting calls from new clients (mostly men) who are now just saying 'f--k it, I'm done'."

GOP State Lawmaker Claims The "Icky-Icky Butt-Sex" is Bad For You

And we come to yet another ridiculous argument against same sex marriage. South Dakota Republican State House rep and pastor Steve Hickey is apparently so distraught at the prospect of his state being the latest to have its same-sex marriage ban overturned that he felt inspired to beg aid from the medical community to explain how the "icky-icky butt-sex is bad because it's just icky." In a letter to the editor of the Argus Reader that he posted on Facebook he adds this bit of crazy-sauce to the stupid-stew simmering in the slow-cooker that is the Right Wing (h/t Talking Points Memo).

"Certainly there are board-certified doctors in our state who will attest to what seems self-evident to so many: gay sex is not good for the body or mind," he wrote. "Pardon a crude comparison but regarding men with men, we are talking about a one-way alley meant only for the garbage truck to go down. Frankly, I’d question the judgment of doctor who says it’s all fine."

Pat Robertson and the Selective Crazy of Faux-Christians

Ladies and gentlemen.  We now join our favorite crazy conservative uncle, Pat Robertson, already in progress...

Ten Signs Your Spouse's "Reparative Therapy" Didn't Take.

Between the end of the Defense of Marriage Act, the resumption of same-sex marriage in California, and the folding of Exodus International, people whose spouses have gone through the thoroughly debunked "reparative therapy" in a futile attempt to cure themselves of "the Gay" might be thinking how glad they are that they got in just under the wire.  However, these folks may want to take close watch of the person they're sharing their beds with.  As a guide, I offer these symptoms of "the Gay" that may indicate that your significant other may not be the "ex-Gay" that you think they are.  To be fair I'm going to provide two lists.  One for men, and one for women.